BAM! What Hit Me?

Maybe once a decade I participate in something that creates such a gravitational pull that it changes the orbit of my life. Today was that day.

We were guests of the Boston chapter of the Becoming A Man (BAM) program and they invited Kimmi and I to participate in their Circle. Their only request was that we enter the Circle with honor and openness. I promised myself that I would take their lead and be as vulnerable and real as I could be.

Shawn Brown, the Executive Director of BAM Boston, picked us up in the school office and walked us to the BAM classroom. En route Shawn told us that we’d be joining about a dozen high-school men, scholars as they are called, who are high risk. He explained that all of the scholars would’ve probably succumbed to negative influences and dropped out if it wasn’t for BAM. I prepared myself to meet some pretty hardened and angry souls.

When we entered the room I felt the awkwardness of being an outsider. I’m 59, they’re under 18. I’m white, they’re black. I live in suburban NJ. They live in Boston’s inner city. At least I’m a man. What was Kimmi feeling? That whole idea of being vulnerable and real started to feel a little naïve to me, but I was committed to honor their request. I was their guest.

Shawn gathered the group into the Circle, introduced Kimmi and I, and covered the ground rules. Then he got us all on our feet and started with an ice breaker word game. Brilliant. Within seconds we were laughing and playing together. This helped me relax into myself a bit, and I felt the portal to my feelings start to open.

The scholars went around the room, one at time, sharing their goals for that week and reporting out how they did. The other scholars provided feedback and support, and a bit of trash talk. Then it happened.

The young men in the group expressed how they were feeling. That about bowled me over. I’ve been around a lot of young men and have rarely heard them talk about their emotions. This opened my emotional portal even more.

When it came around to my turn it was pretty easy to share my real emotions of fatigue and sadness from a breakup with a girlfriend. The scholars showered me with genuine support. Upon that sharing of emotion, I felt connected to every other person in the room. Within that instant I went from outsider to insider.

That’s the magic of emotions. Feelings are our superpowers.

But there’s more. Expressing their feelings is unlocking the goodness in these young men. These formerly at-risk youth are learning to be accountable. They are learning to treat themselves and others with respect and dignity. All because they are identifying and sharing their feelings with each other.

That is all.