Michael C. Reichert, PhD
In my research, I come across Michael C. Reichert, PhD, founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives at the University of Pennsylvania, and a clinical practitioner specializing in boys and men.
His new book, How To Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection To Build Good Men comes out April 9th, 2019.
I google to see if I can find any upcoming speaking events and see that he has one in Philadelphia! Not too far away from where I live in New, Jersey. Shouldn’t take that long.
Cut to: I’m ten minutes late for the event after being stuck in three-hour-rush-hour traffic!
Michael is on stage talking about his book and answering questions from the audience when I sit down in a creaky auditorium seat calling attention to my tardiness.
Within a minute, I am overtaken by the discussion.
”Every child wants to be delighted in,” Michael says.
I understand in that split second why the bond between grandparents and grandchildren can be so important and special. Since a grandparent isn’t usually the one responsible for discipline, they can just delight in the wonder of everything a child does. Parents are often too stressed or busy or concerned about discipline to do this.
Michael recommends that we put time aside for our boys each week, something that can rely on. 30 minutes. An hour. Whatever we can give.
”If you allow your boy to direct how your time together is spent, then they will slowly reveal themselves to you.”
So simple and yet so profound. Children need and want to be seen and heard. They need us to hold space for them. It’s our job to show up and really listen.
Michael adds, even if we have to sit in the most uncomfortable silence we’ve ever experienced for an entire hour, we have to do it. We have to let ourselves be uncomfortable sometimes to earn trust and build strong attachment.
Another thing: “Every relationship goes through a period of connection, disconnection, reconnection. Children do not inherently know how to reconnect.”
It’s our job to teach them how to reconnect and that it’s a natural cycle to connect, disconnect and then reconnect. They need to know it’s okay, they are still loved, you are still there.
This advice obviously applies to every relationship:
Who doesn’t want to be delighted in?
Who doesn’t want to have space held for them?
Who doesn’t want to be seen and heard and reassured that love hasn’t been taken away?
Needless to say, I love Michael!
He is totally worth the traffic, if you ever have the opportunity to hear him speak. Check out his schedule of events here.